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Health & Fitness

Caring for Family Can be Stressful, Rewarding

Caregivers should remember these ten things while providing care for a family member.

Nearly everywhere I look for tips on what to write about tells me to write what I know.

The past two years, the main thing I have known is being a caregiver. My mother and I care for my ill grandmother, seven days a week, 24 hours a day. We are forced to work together as a team, as we both have spinal injuries and health problems of our own. 

Caregiving takes a heavy toll, is highly stressful, physically demanding, and incredibly rewarding. We may need to remind ourselves of that last bit once in a while, but we are able to cherish everyday we have with Gramma. She has been through and overcome more in the last few years that most people do in an entire lifetime; I find her strength incredibly inspirational.

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Based on my personal experience, and a bit of research, I've compiled a list that I hope will be helpful to the one in four American households, who are caregivers in one capacity or another. 

1. Educate yourself. Find out as much as you can about your family member's illness. The more you know about the problems you are taking care of, the more effective you'll be, and the more positive you will be about your continual efforts.

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2. Know yourself. You need to know your own limits, and be realistic about them. Your physical and time limitations are important; and you need to communicate them with other caregivers, doctors, family members, etc.

3. Accept help. When people offer to help, accept the offer, and suggest specific things they can do. For example, if you need to vent, call a friend, and see if they have a few minutes to listen. Perhaps a family meeting to discuss the current problems, changes that have occurred, and to formulate a plan.

4. Learn to delegate. Many of us work outside the home, and need to learn to share our household duties with others. Speak with your human resources department about your company's resources. You may have support lines or referral services available. Be sure to also communicate with your supervisor and co-workers about your responsibilities at home. Your family member's doctor may also be of assistance in sending  a letter to your place of work to explain the seriousness of their condition.

5. Stay connected. Make a concious effort to maintain contact with friends and family, and have a time every week for socialization. Even if it is simply a walk with a friend, be sure to get out of the house to clear your mind.

6. Guilt is normal, although I recommend (as does the Mayo Clinic) that you do not give in to it. No one is perfect, and you need to meet your own needs first to be the best, most effective, caregiver possible. Remember that  respite is your earned right, as caregiving is a difficult job. If you must appease your concious for walking away for a minute, also remember that this is good for your health.    

7. Stay healthy. Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet, try to stay active, don't neglect your need for a good night's sleep, and visit your doctor regularly. Be sure to mention to them that you are a caregiver- and be up to date on your  immunizations and screenings. 

8. Be aware. It's very easy to be completely focused on your family member's health and well-being, but it is vital to also be aware of your own. Watch yourself for classic signs of being overly stressed. Over a long period of time, too much stress is highly harmful to your body and raises your chances for anxiety, depression and, in some cases, heart disease.

9. Trust your instincts.  You know your own body, and you know your family member. Most of the time, your gut will lead you in the right direction.

10. Remain hopeful. Advances in technology and your doctor's knowledge change every day. There is always hope, whether it be based on medical facts, on your own faith, or on dreams that you create with your family member.

In the case that your family is unable to help, or you simply need additional help, it is available.  Don't hesitate or feel guilty for seeking it out.  Here in St. Charles county, I personally know of six organizations that have, at one time or another, helped with my grandmother. I know for a fact that is only scratching the surface of the help available.  To begin your search, visit the Family Caregiver Alliance or open the yellow pages and search for adult day care or respite services.  Remember that you are not alone in this endeavor.  

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”  --Bill Cosby

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