Bullying Part One: No Longer 'Just a Part of Childhood'

"Bully-cide"

Until recently, I'd never heard of this phrase.

These days, it's rare to turn on the news without seeing that a child has been bullied by another child, and in some cases, has taken his or her life because he does not know how to handle that stress, peer pressure, aggression, or otherwise negative attention.

"Bully-cide" is a word that has been coined to define the act of suicide due to bullying. It defines a child that did not know any other way to escape what they viewed as a hopeless situation. It is a tragic decision made in an effort to end the pain of bullying, when they believed there was not other solution.

So, what exactly is bullying? We all have our own ideas for exactly what a bully is, or does, but for most, it extends beyond those basic initial thoughts.

Dan Olweus, creator of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, provides this commonly accepted definition for bullying in his book, Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do:  

This definition includes three important components:

• Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions.
• Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time.
• Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.

Based on that definition, it's clear that there are many different types of bullying, though most agree that bullying involves an imbalance of power, an intent to cause harm, and repetition.

Bullying can take many forms. Examples include:

Verbal: name-calling, teasing

Social: spreading rumors, leaving people out on purpose, breaking up friendships

Physical: hitting, punching, shoving

Cyberbullying: using the Internet, mobile phones or other digital technologies to harm others

An act of bullying may fit into more than one of these groups.

Personally, I'm a bit of a "nerd." I love to read, I like to learn, I've needed to wear glasses since the third grade and I've never been terribly concerned about what is currently fashionable. These are all things that have not changed about me as a person.

As a child, I was bullied. I remember a few of my tormentors by name, even to this day. For me, they were the "popular" kids, and I was easy prey. They called me names, they stole homework from me so they could cheat off my hard work, they knocked books out of my hands, and later, in high school, humiliating and untrue rumors were spread.

These are the things I first think of when I hear the word bully: a classic case of childhood bullying. It scared or bothered me enough to not want to go back to some of my classes. On the occasions I brought this up to my mother, like any good parent would do, she approached my teachers, principal, or even the other children's parents and sent me back to school so I wouldn't fall behind. (That last bit was likely part of my own desire to learn, which put me in a vicious cycle for some of those bullies that picked on the girl who actually WANTED to be in school).

Lucky for me, I still became a relatively successful adult, I'm well-rounded, and eventually, I did grow a tougher skin. Unfortunately, that is not all bullying is today.

While there are other forms of bullying, for the moment, I'd like to focus on bullying that happens in schools. After all, most of these "bully-cides" are children. During the 2009-2010 school year, there were 11 deaths documented due to school violence. Bullying can, of course, occur in any part of a school building, but it is most often in physical education classes, recess, hallways, or on school buses/waiting on school buses. The majority of bullying occurs during transition times, when there is less available supervision for children.

This is part one of a six-part look at bullying. Part two will discuss a local family that has been dealing with a bully in school, ignored by the school's administration and how to tell if your child is being bullied.