I Mammogrammed Today

I’m getting my first mammogram today. Right now I am sitting in the café of Northwest Healthcare waiting for my name to be called. I feel my heart fluttering; I’m nervous. I’m not sure why I am so nervous. I’m not afraid it will hurt; I suppose I am afraid something will be in there.

I have had this gnawing fear of cancer ever since I was like eight or nine and that punk, Rodney, who lived down the street, told me that the moles on my neck meant I was going to have cancer and die. That’s what it meant for his dad. I beat him up for saying it to me. I’m not sure how I even knew what cancer was. I feel sad now that I am older and I realize that Rodney was likely scared and sad about his dad.

Gotta go…they just called my name!

I’m back…I made it through…I’m at a cozy coffee house now.

Cancer started hitting home a few years ago. Mrs. Davis had colon cancer. They caught it early and she survived that battle, she died this year. One of the most devastating days of my life was when one of my closest friends told me that she had breast cancer. Wow. I can’t even talk about that right now. And then a church member had her third bout with cancer. And then one of my Facebook friends. And then Nanna died Sept. 17, 2011 from brain cancer. Oh, it’s too much!

Another church member earlier this year had some type of cancer and two months ago, someone else. This person had breast cancer. She and I aren’t far apart in age. She went to the doctor for one thing and he noticed she was behind on her mammogram and insisted she get it right then. Turns out she had cancer in both breasts. They caught it early.

I knew I needed to get a mammogram. I turned 40 this year. My mother-in-law, who lives in Virginia, said to me last month, “don’t make me come there, Renita.”  I can’t wait to call her later to tell her that I mammogrammed today.

What an experience! Thanks Carla A. for telling me not to wear deodorant or powder. They had some wet wipes in there, glad I didn’t have to use them! Alone in this little closet room I was instructed to take off my shirt and bra and put on the terry cloth robe provided. Tears started forming, although I can’t say why exactly.

Tina was very nice and very helpful. She led me to an office where she began asking me a series of questions:

“Do you have an advance directive?” No. 

“Do you do monthly breast exams?” Ummmmm……well…..not exactly monthly. 

“Why?” Ummmmmm??? Because I don’t think about it? I sheepishly answered with a question.

She just wondered if I felt comfortable doing the exams. Yes I do, thanks to Dr. Yolanda Bledsoe who taught me how last year.

Then came time for the exam. Sigh. I had to take off the robe. Hmm.  I’m not sure what emotion I was feeling…mostly something like, “Oh, lord, all my fat rolls hanging out.” I think I was embarrassed. Yep. I know I need to be more attentive to my health, that being overweight increases one's risks for breast cancer. I need to physically be more faithful.

She put these unusual flower stickers with metal points on my nipples. Quirky in an almost cool kind of way; a new fashion? Well, not for me…

And then it was time to insert boob into the machine. Tina explained that she would be getting an image of both breasts and each side.  I had to stand close, arm up, now down, over here, now turn in, no...this way, step closer, chin up....stop looking, ear here, now hands back down okay…boob was finally firmly squished between the plastic…

Of mammograms my friend Ms. Judy said, "It’s like having me open the refrigerator, lean in and have someone slam the door on the girls one at a time.” Yep, she was right. Slam and squish. It didn’t hurt but it was uncomfortable.  Good news, it was over quickly.

I deflowered my nipples and rerobed, back to the little changing room. I had to wait for Tina, she gave me discharge directions: yearly mammograms, monthly self-exam, and there was a third thing, hmm? Maybe it was just call if I had questions. She gave me a lovely “thank you” card with her name and the office contact. And a flower. She gave me a flower. I don’t know why, but all mammogram patients get a flower. I will consider that a celebration! 

So, now it is done and I wait. I don’t expect to have any negative results; I suppose no one expects negative results.

“Is there any history of cancer in your family?”

Yes, my mothers and sisters have had cancer. Some have made it and some have not. Today I mammogrammed in honor of them and their care for me:

Mothers Rev. Janet Lenore Swift (September, 2010), Ms. Wynnonia Davis (March 2011), Mrs. Lois Robinson, Mrs. Bessie Wilson-Money, and others unnamed…

and

My sisters Allison Richert, Sandra Wright, Carla Abdagun, Carla Marr, and others unnamed…I honor you today and thank you for sharing your stories of life and hope.

I mammogrammed today. I am so grateful for the opportunity.

I mammogrammed today. I will faithfully mammogram from here on out.